The Emotional Toll of Perfectionism on Women
Perfectionism has a reputation as a positive trait. It can propel you toward impressive success, but it can also take a heavy toll on your mental health and your relationships. Women are especially susceptible. When the goal is flawless, nothing ever feels like enough.
Here’s how perfectionism takes such a huge toll on women’s mental health and what you can do about it.
Why Women Face So Much Pressure to Be Perfect
Women receive a steady stream of expectations from culture, social media, movies, and TV shows. These sources present polished women who seem to have it all: the family and the high-powered job.
Many women are expected to care for family members and their own children while also working outside the home. That is a lot to place on anyone’s shoulders. Add beauty standards that may be impossible to achieve, and you have a recipe for perfectionistic thinking—the kind that turns every mistake into a failure.
How Perfectionism Affects Women’s Mental Health
Perfectionism can negatively affect women in several ways:
Chronic Anxiety
Perfectionism tends to build a harsh inner critic that treats mistakes as signs of failure, or even signs of being a bad person. Fear of disappointing people can fuel worry, nervousness, and stress. You might even find it hard to fall asleep at night.
Low Self-Worth
That same critical voice insists you are inadequate and always falling short of your high expectations. It fixates on what isn’t right about you and labels you a bad mom, a bad wife, or a bad woman for not looking, acting, and thinking the way some impossible standard demands.
Depression
All that effort and negative thinking is exhausting. You might notice low energy or burnout from your job, caregiving, or mothering. Taking on too much can contribute to depressive symptoms.
Disordered Eating and Body Image Concerns
The pressure to meet unrealistic beauty standards can lead to restricting how much you eat, overexercising, or pursuing cosmetic procedures that may be unaffordable or unrealistic. It can also contribute to body dysmorphia. These patterns can grow from perfectionistic thinking, since you are always trying to measure up to a standard set by yourself and by society.
Ways to Ease Perfectionistic Thinking
Perfectionism is a pattern of thinking, and patterns can change. A few places to start:
Challenge all-or-nothing thinking. Perfectionism tells you that you’re either amazing or terrible, that you’ve either achieved it all or you’re nothing. In reality, most of life exists in a gray area.
Build a more compassionate inner voice. Try telling yourself, “I’m doing my best, and my best is good enough. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s okay to fall short.” Remind yourself that you are the one placing these standards on yourself, and they are not requirements.
Set realistic standards. Break larger tasks into smaller, more achievable goals. Ask yourself if your high standards and expectations are actually serving you, and look for ways to work breaks into your day.
Practice mindfulness. Center yourself in your body and in your thoughts and feelings. When you notice your inner voice saying something negative, let that thought float past you.
When to Reach Out for Support
If these strategies feel difficult to put into practice, a therapist can help. Therapy for women offers a supportive space to explore where perfectionistic thinking comes from and to develop kinder, more flexible ways of relating to yourself. With support, you can learn to hold yourself to standards that feel reasonable and sustainable.
If perfectionism is taking a toll on your well-being, our therapists are here to help. Contact us today!
