When you lose a pet, the grief you feel is indescribable especially to those who have never loved a pet before. We are often taught by our families to keep our big emotions under wraps and so it can be difficult to convey the depth of what we’re feeling to others.

Also, many people are ill equipped with how to respond in a helpful way to the person who is grieving. For those who have either never had a pet before or shared a special bond with one, it is difficult for them to understand the vital role a pet may play in someone’s life and the unique grief experience of losing a beloved pet. Consequently, there are a number of ways that a pet owner’s grief is overlooked or misunderstood.

Loss of a Best Friend

Many pet owners consider their pet a best friend for a number of reasons. When there’s no one else to turn to, pets are often relied on as a constant. They can be a source of comfort and consolation in times of loneliness and sadness. They can also be counted on to be consistently happy and available to spend time with you as well as offer reliable companionship and easy affection.

Loss of Unconditional Love

For some, a pet may have been your first or only experience of unconditional love. Anyone who’s had a dog knows what it means to be caught in the loving crosshairs of a soul searing look into your eyes. When pets imprint on you and you on them, the devotion and adoration you receive from such a bond can feel irreplaceable as well as absolutely heartbreaking to lose.

Excruciating Decisions

One possible aspect of being a pet owner is being faced with unexpected health issues, chronic medical conditions, and terminal illness. If you don’t have the money to cover the cost of exorbitant medical procedures or have to weigh the costs of treatment alongside poor likely health outcomes, you may find yourself having to make the devastating decision of euthanizing your pet. Sometimes these decisions have to be made quick and with very little warning which adds another complex layer of stress to an already stressful situation.

Loneliness and Isolation

There are times when a pet may be the only thing keeping you from feeling alone in the world. A pet may also have been the bridge for you to the world in that pets can often spark social connection with others. Not everyone is lucky enough to have solid relationships with family, friends, or a romantic partner. A pet may serve as a surrogate for those relationships and some may say are even better than any family member or friend they’ve ever had. The loss of a pet can lead to a deep sense of loneliness and a feeling that you’ve lost the one being that ever truly cared about you.

A through line

Your beloved pet may represent a through line as they may have accompanied you through many of your life stages, significant moments you’ve experienced, and places you’ve lived. Your pet may have been there for you during difficult transitions such as a move, a break-up, or loss of a job. A pet may have been there longer for you than any other significant relationships in your life and they may have been a touchstone for you.

Replaceability

There is a false idea that pets are replaceable and that all you need to do to alleviate your grief is to get another pet. What is often misunderstood is that pets, like people, have their own individual and unique personalities. When you lose a pet so much is lost including the essence of who they were and the quirks and personality traits that made them distinct and special.

Pet Loss Depression

Unlike with people, there are no established funerals or rituals for animals to help ease the pain of saying goodbye with supportive others present. There is no bereavement time off from work for pet loss. You may find those around you are less likely to inquire about how you’re doing which may cause you to withhold sharing about your emotional state. This can increase feelings of disconnection and aloneness and lead to feeling depressed. It may cause you to question your feelings and wonder if you’re making too big a deal of them.

Know that it’s perfectly normal to grieve the loss of a pet the way you might a person. There is no timeline or pressure to “get over” your feelings.

If you find yourself struggling or stuck in your grief process, therapy can be a helpful source of support and can provide options to make the pain of grief more manageable. Contact us today for grief counseling.

About the Author

Lalo Rivera, LPC, SEP is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner. As the owner of The Listening Body Counseling Services, she is a firm believer in the transformative power of the mind-body connection as a portal for healing. She specializes in helping individuals overcome complex trauma and PTSD with body-oriented approaches.

The Invisible Grief of Losing a Pet