Loving Someone with Depression: How to Help Without Losing Yourself
When your partner is going through a depressive episode, it’s hard on both of you. You may be carrying feelings you’re not sure how to bring up, like frustration, helplessness, even anger. These feelings are valid, and you’re not alone in having them. The truth is, supporting someone with depression is a careful dance. You can show up for the person you love and protect your own well-being at the same time. Here are some ways to do both.
Learn About Depression
Understanding what depression actually is can change the way you interpret your partner’s behavior. When you know that irritability, withdrawal, and low motivation are symptoms and not personal choices, it becomes easier not to take things personally.
Research reputable sources, or ask their therapist (if they have one, and with your partner’s permission) what you should know. The more informed you are, the better equipped you’ll be to offer the right kind of support.
Keep Doing the Things You Love Together
Depression can make everything feel heavy, including activities your partner used to enjoy. That doesn’t mean those things should disappear.
If you had a standing date night, keep suggesting it. If you used to hike or go to the gym together, gently encourage them to come along. Even if they say no, your consistent effort shows that normal life is still there waiting for them—and it might motivate them to join you when they’re feeling a little better.
Open the Door to Honest Conversation
Let your partner know you’re there for them, without pressure. Sometimes asking a simple question like, “How do you want me to support you right now?” can open up a conversation that leads somewhere meaningful.
When talking about their depression, avoid phrases like:
“When are you going to get over this?”
“It’s all in your head.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“You should be feeling better by now.”
These responses, even when well-intentioned, tend to shut people down. Instead, focus on listening and validating: “I’m here. I want to understand what you’re going through.”
Encourage Them to Get Help
Getting into therapy isn’t always easy, especially for someone in the middle of a depressive episode. Insurance navigation, finding the right provider, and making the first call can feel overwhelming.
You can help by:
Researching therapists or telehealth options together
Helping them schedule an appointment with their primary care doctor for a referral
Assisting them in writing down their symptoms ahead of time so they’re prepared
You don’t have to do everything for them, but removing a few barriers can make a real difference.
Know the Warning Signs of Suicide
If your partner begins talking about not wanting to be here, giving things away, saying goodbye, or showing signs of self-harm, take it seriously. Contact a crisis line immediately and help connect them with professional support as soon as possible. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by call or text.
Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting a partner with depression is emotionally taxing. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and burning yourself out won’t help either of you.
Make time for your own self-care. Consider therapy for yourself if you need a space to process what you’re experiencing. And know that it is okay to set limits when the weight becomes too much. Protecting your own health isn’t a betrayal of your partner. It’s what allows you to keep showing up.
Getting Help
If you or your partner are ready to take the next step, Key Counseling Atlanta is here to help. Contact us today to get started with depression therapy. Our therapists work with individuals and couples navigating depression, relationship stress, and more.
