How Often Do Married Couples Really Have Sex?
When couples start wondering about their sexual frequency, they’re often really asking: “Are we normal?” You’ve probably noticed that your sex life goes through ebbs and flows, and when it ebbs, you might be feeling frustrated and looking for answers. The truth is, there’s no universal answer to how often married couples should have sex. Still, there are healthy ways to navigate mismatched desires and create intimacy that works for both partners.
What the Research Says About Sexual Frequency
Research shows the average married American couple has sex about once per week. This frequency tends to decrease with age and fluctuates based on life stressors, health changes, and relationship dynamics. However, comparing your relationship to statistics misses the more important question: Are you and your partner satisfied with your intimate connection?
The real issue isn’t matching some external standard—it’s whether both partners feel fulfilled and connected. If you’re having conflict about sexual frequency, that disconnect deserves attention and care.
Common Reasons for Changes in Sexual Activity
Before addressing frequency concerns, consider what might be contributing to changes in your sex life:
Health and physical factors: Medical conditions, medications that affect libido or arousal, postpartum recovery, menopause, or hormonal changes like low testosterone can all impact sexual desire and function.
Life stressors and transitions: Major changes create mental and emotional strain that affects intimacy. Moving, starting a new job, buying a house, caring for aging parents, or grieving a loss all demand energy that might otherwise go toward your relationship.
Relationship dynamics: Unresolved conflict, communication breakdowns, or feeling disconnected emotionally often show up in the bedroom first.
Understanding these underlying factors helps you address root causes rather than just symptoms.
Practical Strategies for Reconnecting
Talk Openly About Your Needs
Both partners should put their desires, concerns, and boundaries on the table. Avoid assuming your partner knows what you’re thinking or that you understand their experience without asking. Clear, honest communication prevents resentment and creates space for solutions.
Schedule Intimacy Intentionally
While it may not sound spontaneous, scheduling sex helps busy couples prioritize connection. Putting intimate time on the calendar builds anticipation, shows that it’s important to both of you, and helps you unplug from daily demands. Think of it as protecting sacred time together.
Expand Your Definition of Intimacy
Sex doesn’t have to mean penetration exclusively. When physical limitations, exhaustion, or other challenges arise, intimacy can include sensual massage, extended kissing, cuddling, or other forms of physical affection. Broadening what “counts” as sexual connection often increases satisfaction for both partners.
Consider Professional Support
If the disconnect feels too big to bridge alone, therapy provides a structured, judgment-free space to work through intimacy challenges. A trained therapist can help you communicate more effectively, explore underlying issues, and discover solutions that fit your unique relationship.
Finding What Works for You
The question “How often should we have sex?” has only one truly important answer: however often leaves both of you feeling satisfied and connected. Whether that’s twice a week or twice a month matters less than whether you’re both content with your intimate life together.
If you and your partner are in conflict about your sex life, it’s an invitation to understand each other more deeply—to explore what intimacy means to each of you, what barriers might exist, and how you can honor both partners’ needs.
Your relationship deserves the attention and care it takes to navigate these conversations with compassion and honesty.
Need support working through intimacy challenges in your relationship? Our therapists at Key Counseling Atlanta specialize in helping couples strengthen their connection and navigate sexual concerns with compassion through couples therapy. Contact us to schedule your first session.
